Butterfly Effect

I think I'm falling apart.

Not literally, thank God. But I feel....I feel like everything I know is being shaken loose. This is my fault, I know. I wanted this. I wanted change and difference and progress. And I'm not saying now I don't. But...I'm scared.

There. I said it. I'm scared. I'm scared that maybe the things that are going to change are so great in number I can't handle it all at once. I know that shaking things up was the right choice. I have no doubt about that. But by changing one little thing, everything changed.

The butterfly effect, so to speak,

One small, minute thing happened and suddenly there's a hurricaine on the other side of the world. Metaphorically, of course.

To be as young as I am and feel like I'm having some major life change is...daunting, to say the least.

Although. Yes, there is an "although," a "but," to this rather haphazard train of thought. I had lunch with an old friend yesterday. And things felt...better. "But he's from the past," you say. Ah yes, but the past could very well be the future for me. My life took a major detour three years ago, in terms of the natural progression of peers and friends. It felt like...coming home, almost. As amazing as my friends were the last three years, they were only friends because of circumstance, at least at first. They didn't choose me, nor I them.

But my "past" friends...they were of my choosing. I wanted them in my life. And lo and behold, I still do.

So maybe I'm not as lost as I thought. Or think. Maybe....I had to get a little lost to find my way. I had to wander off one path to find another.

Who knows? He was just one of many friends I lost. And yes, he welcomed me back with open arms, but who says everyone else will? They have changed, just as I have. But I have a sneaking suspicion that we may have changed in similar ways. Or in ways that....are corresponding. Parallel paths, so to speak. I feel like I was perpendicular to where I should've been for so long that parallel feels...right.

So thats whats up. Ramble on, yet again.

Peace.